Clumsy. That's so me.

So it is one week left before the semester break ends. And truly said, I am veghy excited. Tapi cuak tak cuak jugak lah kan hahaha. But but tolak tepi. Dah lama sangat kat rumah. Makin mengembang lagi ada. Tak cool. Rambut dah ku potong tapi tak macam potong -_- hmm. Semoga semester dua ni lebih bahagia lol dan happier dan semakin baik :) In Shaa Allah. 

In Shaa Allah? Why not Insyaallah? Sebenarnya sebutan dia kena panjangkan Shaa tuuu. Kalau tengok sebutan Arab dia. Thats the different. Okay selingan haha. Semalam punya semalam, i got a very shocking news from a friend. And tell you what, I was freak out like never before. Tak memasal aku nangis shaking nak demam sakit dada sgala bagai because the news scared the hell out of me. I was never afraid like that before. Menggigil gigil aku pegang phone dengan laptop. Tak jadi tengok Mariam Kampung Putat ada Hamis Jalikha! Hahaha. But it turns out, she was just kidding (I knew she was kidding hours later, dalam keheningan malam lol hening sangat) -,-

Aku tak tahulah aku ke yang over ke ape. But the thing is, if you're in my shoes, you'll freak out like I did too. Or maybe it just me :3 Tak kesah lah. I'm not mad or something. I was freaking scared (Its something that I cant control). I swear, aku tak pernah takut sampai macam ni sekali the whole life. Orang yang rapat dengan aku mesti tahu, kalau aku takut aku jadi gelabah, aku jadi tak tentu arah. Hahaha mesti terbayang aku tengah gelabah kan? Lol aku tahu kelakar dan rasa nak tampar. Sorry, I dont know how to control that part of myself yet. Later, I'll figure out somethg hehe.

Well it gave me lessons. Control diri. Focus, it is what important. Entah lah I thought if the news was freaking true pon takkan aku nak freak out everyday shaking everyday, But tell you what, yeah it was a total bangg on me. The next day that is yesterday, aku demam seram sejuk. Tangan tetiba shaking dada berdebar debar and sometimes hardly breath. Haha me so weird. Rasa nak tampar diri sendiri pon ada. Over nak mampus. But tell you, I wasnt kidding, kennot control mann. So after all, I put the blame on myself. I should learn to control myself. So non of this thing would happened (except the news part if it was actually true). I'm fine now. I am actually grateful, He listens to me, and my prayers. 

The first paragraph of this entry was written the night before I got the news (Haha I stopped whatever I was doing after I received the news). So at this moment, it is 5 days left before I'm going back to Melaka. I am mentally ready but not physically. Gosh my body is sick. Tell me how is it going to be healthy if what I eat was never vegetables or fruits. Tak fit. Tak macam dulu masa rajin swimming, haha ingat lagi dulu, terperasan six packs kat badan, wa tak tipu, baru nak jadi, tapi tak terjadilah sebab pemalas. Sekarang, baru naik tangga dah semput macam asdfghjkl. Burgh nak jogging, hamak tak rajin hahaha. Kena ubah :( 

Lama tak ada banyak duit. Lama tak spend duit untuk beli buku banyak banyak. Lama tak pergi book fair. Nak kumpul duit. Nak simpan untuk beli buku. And today, I found myself in love with non-fiction books. I dont even know how and why. Seronok sebenarnya non-fictions ni. Dahlah, ni, another sem breaks story. Till then.

Happy Monday, adios :*

Istanbul I'm Coming (hehe)

So a day before yesterday that is on Friday, me and my girls, qis zati & zani went out lepaking or another word for it, jogging. We're not exactly jogging, but we did walking around the Lake Valley's lake and wondering why we never knew it is huge. Hehe obviously we never had a walk before -_- and thats seriously freaking sad. What a 'healthy life' we had *Long sigh* Yeah. So because it is huge, we only walk for one round. Good start lah tu kan :B 

Then we off for breakfast. Sangat berkualiti masa yang dispendkan. The whole time we're just laughing and sharing our story in past 5/6 months. There's a lot to share. There's a lot to laugh at. Very long and calming friday morning we had :) Then, I had to go send some stuff to Cikgu Hasmalaili. So we off to her house. Hehe, borak borak. Gosh, we miss her so much! Then suddenly, Zati cakap "We should watch Istanbul Aku Datang today" jokingly. yeah, She was first joking. Cikgu took it serious Haha so the six of us (Us, four, Kak Farah and Cikgu) ended up watching it. And sponsored by our lovely beautiful teacher. Hehe see, we so cool liddat XD 

You should watch it like seriously you must! Everything was so beautifully created. the humour. Sakit perut gelak gelak. Lisa is so cute. The character, the clothes, the style, the wed dress. Mannnnn, beautiful ^^ Dengan Istanbul itself, Subhanallah! So amazing, at least it wht I see in the movie. :') Hehe and visiting Istanbul is now on my bucket list :B Place to go before I die. Certainly gonna watch it again. veghy a mind therapy. 

So yesterday.... Yeah, I turned 18 years old :) My day... was just fine. Yeah, I'm 18. But still, I'm a kid at heart hehe. No one can change that fact. I'm proud. Lewls. So, my wish is that, I become stronger and wiser. Being a good servant to Him. Being a good daughter anyway. A good sister. The best of a friend can be. Strong army in my own battle of my life. Gosh seriously I am influenced by the Avatar The last airbender story. (Imagine myself speaking in Katara's way) Okay, just ignore that -_-Seriously. 

Kay sambung. I want to change for the better life. It is not that I dont have a great life before, it just that, i never made it the best for myself in other words, I dont live it to the fullest. I keep choosing the wrong path even though the right one was never far from me. I see it clearly, but never tries to get myself that way. I keep on blaming people around me. I keep on running away from the people who really needs me and appreciate me the way I am. And I keep on going to the people who wants me when they're needing something. And that's how I end up hurt and...... mad sometimes. I guess I am mad to myself. I dont know how to overcome this. 

That one time, I realized I have no feelings anymore. I dont know how to feel sad. My sympathetic feelings gone. My tears are hardly fall. Which is I guess, a bad thing for me, as a human or at least a girl. Thats happened because I had so much pain inside (This really approve 'pain will only make you stronger' I heard most time) but it turns out the wrong way of strong meaning. Remember when I had to move from uniten to uitm? I felt like the whole world are against me. I feel like my rights were violated. But not anymore. I learnt to accept the fact that when He says Kun, then its happen. And cherish the 'Everything happens for reasons'. And yeah truly understand, 'what He takes from you, He'll give it back the better way'. Just move on with the flow and start making everything the best we could. (haha honestly, I've no idea where this spirit come from) and oh yeah, trust your parents. They know the best. 

I want myself back. The always happy girl, the no problem girl and appreciate the little things in my life. I am thankful, to born as a Muslim, as a daughter to my parents, as a sister to my siblings, and my best friends, and a friend to everyone. And stop thinking myself are not worth it (I'll work on it, I promise!). Hehe. I wish for a background music here.... Hello? 

http://jyeahthisisme.blogspot.com/2012/11/happy-bday-echah.html

I really appreciate this. Thanks muhaiminah. You showed me something anyone else never show. You make me realize something very worth it. Hehe thanks. I love you.

So gaise, I am 18 now. hehehehehehehhehehhehehehhehehhehehe. (creepy hurh>.>)

A peace of mind (not until the end of the entry)

So I just got back from 4 days vacation to Cameron Highland. Hehe. And yes it was super fun and I just love every single moment I had there. Why ah I got too excited? Cameron je pon. The air, the view, it was so much refreshing. Clean and cold air. The green view. Gosh I just love it so much. Now, Cameron Highland is officially one of my favourite place in Malaysia haha -_- okay. But, it wasn't my first time and of course wont be my last. Instead of going to beach which I truly miss the relaxing beach sound. 

Four days and three nights at Bank Negara Bungalow with the family. Hehe thanks to my beautiful aunty, Mummy :) Had a great time with the cousins who I rarely got the chance to meet them. 

Bila pergi sini, aku lupa semua masalah aku (including the one yang tak sepatutnya panggil problem pon, oh whatever) Seriously it was a peace of mind. Rasa tenang yang amat. I just realized all I need was vacation haha. Hmm. I was thinking how great it will be if I have the chance to go there with the best friends, Qistina or whoever it is. I miss Qistina a lot. And yeah, I dont miss anyone like I miss her except my aunties. haha the two beautiful women on my last entry. Walaupun asyik hujan je. Lagilah kan sejuk nak mati haha. Nak pijak lantai pon berlari lari sebab sejuk.

"Kita kena pindah ke Cameron Highland, ayah kena kerja kat sana, KTM nak buat keretapi naik ke situ" Hahahaha ~,~ It will be so great if one day ayah bagitahu benda tu lol. So now I seriously dont get it why Izzati hates moving to CH except for leaving her friends here in cheras. Well okay, I maybe will miss cheras even more haha since dari kecik aku tinggal kat sini. Okay I'll stop the craps here.

Hmm, so result. Haha. All I can say it is more than teruk. And yeah I am disappointed with myself. Really really disappointed. But I dont know where all this super strength came from that I just know it, I gotta be strong and move on and work harder next time. The thing is.... passion. I just realized what I really want. but still I dont know what is my path. So I just have to work on the only path I have now. Hahhh It is real hard yknow. I chose Accounting because I love maths. But I never want my future life to be life full of crap numbers and thing. Tell you what, I know what I really want in my future life. I can see it clearly. But I JUST DONT KNOWWW. MANNN THIS IS SUPER CRAP AND HARD AND WHATSOEVER.

Okay ignore everything yang ada dalam paragraph atas ni. Sigh. Apa apa jelah. I need another vacation hahahaha. 2 weeks and 4 days left before the semester break ends. Tak cool okay. I am not ready baby, NOT READY :( I still want to be at home.

No pictures cause I'm so lazy to upload it. I'm not feeling well. I feel like asdfghjkl. I miss Qistina. I miss Afif. I miss Wani. I miss my aunts, I miss my cousins. I miss the best friends. Sobs. Okbai. ahhhh mood swing all sudden. Tak cool.

Little thought.

Somehow, I miss her and having this sense of loss. I don't understand. 

I'm struggling to nowhere. Ya Rabb, guide me. 

So, I had a great time ber-ice skating today with the best friends, Afif and Wany. Hikhik. Finally got the chance after a long time. Jenjalan sikit. Lepaking. Was fun. Wany kat KL until tomorrow. Yeah, i miss her a lot. Rambut dia paling tak tahan. Comel nak mati. Sayang, tak ada gambar 3 orang. Eh ada sebenarnya. Hek. 

Less than 4 weeks. 

Homaigodddddddd :O 

I'M NOT READY AT ALL. 

Naahhh, just kidding.

Popipopipo

Exactly 4 weeks left and here we go, semester 2. I hope I'll be nice to my self. I hope I strong enough to face everything. I wish things don't change. I wish everyone will stay. I have a lot of things messed up in my mind. I dont want to go back. I'm afraid of changes. I'm afraid of moving on. I'm afraid of new things. But I guessed, sigh. I'm ready. Well at least, I think I am. 

I miss them. The two very important women in my life. Hope you're doing well.

And currently watching these..................

Hehehe Lol ok have a nice weekend!