Another step

Assalamualaikum :) So as yang digembar-gemburkan (Lol bajet artis) I'm going for UNITEN Muadzam Shah, Foundation in Accounting. 5 Jun nanti masuklah. Omg I cant believe it will be THAT early. I was imagine I'll be staying home for at least another month. But yeah :( But still in the meantime, it is not permanent. Tinggal satu lagi..... Rayuan UPU. So, we'll see.


And honestly, aku risau, takut, excited (sikit), and kalau diberi pilihan, I'd rather stay home. Seriously yeah. But no, it's my future. Ayah ibu dah korban banyak sangat sangat untuk aku. So this is it. I'm going to give them the greatest future they had ever imagine. Hold my words, I'm doing this for the sake of Allah, hereafter, ibu and ayah, my family and myself. Insyaallah. Ya Allah, please guide me :')


And truth to be told, I'm so so so glad and grateful yang fara pon dekat sana. And yeah, itu pon sebenarnya dah kurang kan hampir semua kerisauan aku ; Jauh dari family (It's 3 hours away from home T,T), Ada kawan ke tak, environment, the lecturers, dengan sapa aku nak mengadu, pada siapa aku nak menangis, siapa yang boleh tarik aku balik kalau aku tersasar, siapa boleh marah aku kalau aku leka, siapa boleh jaga aku, siapa yang aku boleh percaya, what happen kalau aku tersesat sorang2, awkwardness between me and new friends, kalau sakit aku nak mengadu kat siapa, kalau bosan aku nak gelak dengan sapa, kalau aku ada crush (lol) aku nak bgtahu sapa. and ghost..... Okay -,- enough i guess.


Spoiled brat much? Yes I am. I'm not proud of it, I mean, aku bukan suka menyusahkan orang, but what to do, aku takut :( The fact that I know, Fara ada, buat aku sentiasa rasa nak terbang :") Yes, I'm truly grateful. Kalau boleh aku nak suruh ibu ayah pindah sekali dengan aku. (OH yeah kau tengah kawan dengan anak manja tahap maximum ni) Okay... just forget that. 


And i think, the only thing yang buat aku happy is, Aku tapayah buat kerja masa cuti F6 dahhh whehehehe :P Lol ini serious okay. Bila classmates aku bgtahu homework, i was like, Errr okay ahad depan baru fikir. Hahaha kay :3 


Form 6? After 2 weeks, aku sedar dan aku tahu it is not for me. Apa yang ayah cakap betul, "You need new environment" Untuk belajar. Aku sedar yang aku rasa bosan tahap maximum sampai aku boleh pandang cikgu kat depan tanpa berkelip for almost an hour but dalam kepala aku dah ada disneyland. Haha if you get what i mean :p Well, my two weeks isnt that bad. I mean I've seen all the hikmah Allah gave me and yeah, us :) Yeah, rindu aku pada sekolah, pada cikgu semua terlepas :") Last week has been so great. I had a lot of fun until the very end. But still, f6, erm just no. It is not about the form 6 itself, it just me. I hardly adapt with the environment. Yeah my bad. 


So what happened in the past week? Tahun ni, Hari Guru, kitorang handle ^^ okay bukan lah semua. Boleh kata cikgu-cikgu bersyukur gila lah kitorang ada tolong Bhahahah bangga kejap. Almost the whole week kitorang empat precious lol tak masuk kelas. Busy preparation. Preparation lah sangat. Eleh, macam tak tahu kitorng hahaha :3 At the end the hasil was just fine. Takde lah best sangat pon. Lack of everything. P.A system, crowd, i mean the students passive gila -,- okay tak perlu lah kot aku membebel pasal tu. Hahah. And sukaneka cikgu best. Tengok lah siapa handle. Lol :p siapa lagi kitorang lah. k.


Yang paling penting, kitorang happy sangat haritu. Awesome, great, best, Ahhh I just love it. Ini kitorang hahaha. Segan tak segan dah tak fikir, tapi masa tu jelah. Dah habis buat baru macam "Apa... apakah yang telah ku lakukan?" *faint* Lol X) Actually kitorang diri kat belakang and lambai lambai. Comel jugak lah hehehe k. 

Masa dah habis, lepak dengan cikgu-cikgu. Bergosip. Kay takleh bla. Hahaha. But yeah, inilah one of the reason kenapa kitorang sayang and rindu gila sekolah, kitorang rapat dengan ramaaaaiii cikgu ;) Boleh gosip. Boleh cerita problem. Gelak sama-sama :) I consider it something valuable in my life :) I love them

Back to Uniten. Tawaran ni aku terima semalam, sekali dengan KPTM. Sama course cuma KPTM tu diploma. Dengan sedikit research, berbekalkan khidmat nasihat cikgu and kawan-kawan and seniors, keyakinan ayah and ibu, and of course bantuan Allah tetap kan hati aku, so here we go, aku pilih Uniten. Kenapa tak KPTM? KPTM kan much cheaper and dekat lagi tu? Let me just keep it to myself :) Sakit jugak jiwa raga semalam buat pilihan. Really. Habis semua orang aku tanya pendapat, tanya apa yang patut aku buat. 

"Goodluck. Jangan tinggal solat. Ubah attitude, rajin kan sikit lagi, ecah" "Nak belajar jangan kira hutan ke rimba ke, yang penting niat" Hahaha ye, Uniten tu hutan.... jugaklah. Eh tak lah :) Uncle yusop cakap, uniten muadzam shah is a lot better than uniten yang kat putrajaya tu. So... :) Its a branddddd newww life. Aku bersyukur, ada ibu ayah yang 100% sokong aku no matter what, my best friends yang sentiasa ada untuk aku, and Insyaallah sampai bila-bila, guys, ingat janji aku pada korang. and of course, my teachers, yang percaya, yang support yang bagi aku semangat yang tak pernah putus asa dengan aku. I would like to thank my favourite teachers, Cikgu Hasmalaili, Cikgu Siti Zalina, Cikgu Hafizy, Cikgu Marina, Ustazah Saripah and the rest for everything they gave me. Diorang banyak tolong aku support aku :') 

And yes, congratulation, Muhaiminah, Muhaimin, Izzati and Apip for getting Politeknik. And the rest of my best friends, Allah have something great to offer to you later, and yeah soon :) I'll keep on praying for you. Kita berjaya sama-sama okay :') Thank you for everything, thankyou sebab dengar semua cerita bodoh aku, thank you sebab percaya kat aku, thank you for always being there for me no matter what happen. Walaupun lepas ni kita memang akan buat benda sama lagi hehe but thank you so much, love. Ingat janji-janji kita! Sampai bila-bila. Insyaallah. Semoga Allah pelihara friendship kita sampai ke akhirnya, jannah :) 

And ibu, ayah, Thank you for giving me this opportunity, thankyou for having me in this world. I love you guys so muchhhhh. I'll make you proud of me. Insyaallah. (I dont know if they're going to read this, but haha aku tak reti cakap depan depan -,-) Lol loser sangat :3

For every single person in my life, I want each and everyone of you to know that, I'm so grateful having you guys in my life. I just want you to know that, I love you guys so much :D Alhamdulillah. 

Wehehehehehehehe, I love my life :*

I miss us

Hari ke sembilan form 6. Well okay, everything was just.... good, i guess. Um um, I dont know. I mean, a part of it has been so nice to me. But, the other half. Sigh. I need to learn focusing in class. The teachers? Just fine. But the classmates.... Omg :( I need someone to talk. 3 years in a row, I had Adynn, Mira and Mamin by my side. Now I'm all alone. Okay bukan lah takde, ada sorang tu, girl nama dia ecah jugak, comel gila bila gelak, baik. Eh ada salwa. haha. But I have to admit, some of my classmates are just so annoying -,- Please, I dont need you to tell me what to do. Gah I'll get use to it. To everything. Masa rehat ada diorang. Kalau diorang tinggal aku, aku simbah sos cili satu baldi. Merajuk, serious. Masa recess lah aku paling excited. and masa balik. hahahaha. K whatever. I need to stay strong and keep on going. Its hard and hurt uhh. So Muhaiminah, shahzani and muhaimin, I need to tell you this, I'm so so so so so glad having you guys around. Its like, bila kau lapar nak mampus tak makan setahun, tetiba kau jumpa nasi ayam satu bungkus panas-panas. Thats how it feels. Really. 

So esok, Fara nak pergi UNITEN dah. Tipu besar lah kalau aku cakap aku tak sedih. But yeah, Life. Fara, jaga diri elok-elok. Cari kawan lagi baik dari kitorang, cari kawan yang boleh bimbing kau. Jaga diri baik-baik. I love you so much, sister :) And ingat, kita tengah lawan pointer :p Hahaha

Selamat Hari Guru sangat Hahaha. Rindu. Letih aku korek gambar-gambar ni -,- Thank you for everything, teachers. I love you :* Oh ye, rindu cikgu Fifah. Bila masuk form 6, jumpa balik dengan cikgu-cikgu, diorang happy tengok ada kitorang haha. Rindu :(

So, Its a lot different now. I now completely hate growing up. Qistina was right. Growing up means drifting apart. Both, different point, same meaning. Its hurt so much being the only one struggling to fix in, struggling to make things work. Struggling everything to make sure nothing's going wrong. I damn hate it now. I am asdfghjkl all the time now. I mean, cries all the time -,- Yeah korang nak cakap apa, cakap lah. No, seriously, I dont care.  

 

What is meant to be

So aku rasa semua orang sedia maklum kan, aku masuk F6. And honestly, aku dah takde hati nak apply tempat lain. Appeal upu pon aku buat ikut ibu ayah. Diorang yang banyak urus. Yes memang pergi sampai ke Kampus Induk UiTM nak buat appeal bagai. But entah i dont know why i feel this way. Dengar briefing dari cikgu2 pasal f6, ye f6 tak lah teruk mana. Dan aku tak rasa pon teruk. Plus, f6 ni susah. You main-main, you tak dapat. Lagi lagi sistem f6 yang dah lain dr past years sekarang. It is exactly the same kalau buat dipl. Okay adalah lain, course dia, environment semua. 


Honestly aku dah tak suka nak fikir pasal baju sekolah, pasal apa orang kata pasal f6, or else. Hundred percent tumpuan aku pada future aku. Biarlah apa orang nak kata. Ye mula-mula dulu memang aku fikir pasal baju sekolah haha. "Nanti mesti orang mengata pakai baju sekolah, budak sekolah lagi" Or whatsoever. Im not going to think about it anymore. Wasting time summore. Sampai kita mati pon ada orang mengata. So kesah apa kan. Plus, i dont know how am I going to survive kalau masuk U. 


Ini benda paling susah yang aku fikir. Kalau f6, aku ada cikgu2 guide aku, ada ayah ibu tolong aku. Paksa aku study, makesure aku study. Sebab aku bukan macam orang yang boleh belajar tanpa any pressure, aku mengaku aku cepat hanyut. Aku takut. Kalau dekat luar, nak belajar tak nak belajar, apa result kau lantak kau. Sebenarnya, hati aku dah hampir 90% dekat form 6. Aku nekad. Tinggal yang 10% tu restu ibu ayah, cikgu. I need to know, whether they trust me or not. I need them to trust me 100% regardless of anything. I know, they'll be with me along the way and time. Well, I trust my self. Aku dah semangat. Semangat sangat-sangat. Kalau semangat tu boleh tukar jadi jongkong emas, aku dah jutawan dah. Or maybe billionaire. Hehe. And Im pretty sure about this.


But still, aku nak buat Istikharah dulu. Biar betul-betul pasti. Biar hati aku Allah yang tetapkan. And I need to change. Well, I am still me. But after this, no more, masa main, main, masa belajar main. Harharhar. Masa main, main. masa belajar, belajar. But no matter where or when, I'm gonna make my parents' proud of me. The teachers' proud of me. Im the reason, they're smiling. If only I could tell you how much it really means to me. How much I put my hearts in. Aku nampak apa yang orng lain tak nampak. Aku tahu mana aku nak pergi dalam hidup. Aku tahu apa aku nak dalam hidup. Aku cuma tak reti nak bagitahu macam mana. And I feel better to just keep it to myself. I know I am one step ahead now. I'm making decisions. 17 years and 6 months old, and this is the hardest decision, I've made so far. Form 6 or wherever I go, I promise, that I'll shine. 


So first week dekat sekolah. Orientasi. Boring jugaklah -,- Haha okay serious boring. But briefing cikgu ada jugak lah yang best. Ada jugaklah yang menaikkan semangat :) Rabu ni masuk kelas. I cant wait. Aku nak belajar. Rindu sangat sangat :') Oh ye tadi ustazah saripah datang dewan. And dia cakap "Tak jumpa sazah pon...." Hmm my bad. Rindu sazah sangat sangat :3 Tadi terserempak dengan cikgu2 ramai gila yang macam "Oh geng tawaf sekolah is back to school" No, dear teachers, you're not going to see me everyday like you do, in past years. 


So Im still waiting for the UPU. Istikharah, and my final decision is......... Ya Allah, guide me. 

Kakak kakak kakak.

My Ultraman :*

I love himmmmmmm :*